Just Keep Casting

I seem to be on an endless journey of learning how to have self compassion. Though I’ve made tremendous progress on my journey there are still some cobwebs left in my closet and one tiny voice in the back of my head that won’t shut up.

So, yesterday I decided to take myself and my little ol cowdog on a backcountry fishing excursion. It was incredibly tough to make myself go, it’s hard being a perfectionist and self critical, even days off don’t feel like days off. And you feel like you have a massive list to get through but I made myself go anyway.

I learned a lot yesterday about myself sitting in the deafening silence with just me and my thoughts. Nothing to distract me but the soft splash of water against the shore line, an occasional screech from a low flying hawk and a light breeze through the branches of the pines and quakies.

As I sat there and cast one line after another, I laughed to myself as I watched my little cowdog chase gnats and roll in the grass. I soon realized that my dog enjoys being with me more than I enjoy being with myself at times. It made me think that maybe that voice in my head, the one she can’t hear is the true enemy.

Cast after cast I probably snagged more moss and tangled more line than one guy would care to admit than I actually caught fish. I tried every lure in my box, some lures worked better than others but I never actually got anything to strike and stay hooked.

Finally I went back to the first lure I tried that actually had a hit the very first cast after thinking maybe my tackle box just didn’t have the right stuff. Much to my surprise that lure steadily got hits and brought fish into the shoreline consistently with every cast.

You know often times in my life, I’ve sat and wondered, maybe if I had the right lures in my tackle box I would’ve reeled in the so called biggest fish to fry in the deep recesses of my mind like an over critical inner voice and incessant need to be perfect.

Yesterday I realized God has provided me with the necessary lures all along, I simply wasn’t casting them enough times or my technique was all wrong, much like the first lure I casted. I hadn’t given it enough casts to even give it a chance and have faith in not only it’s ability to attract fish but my ability to use it properly as well.

Though I was not successful at catching any fish, with each cast I became better and better at drawing fish in. I am confident that another trip and several hours of casting would start to yield some success and a cooler full of fish.

So the next time you’re fishing whether it’s for dinner or the big monstrous fish in the deep recesses of your mind that keep you up at night. Don’t be hasty and quick to change lures when it’s not working, have faith and cast a few more times.

Yesterday was an incredible day and one more cast in the right direction of loving myself and ditching the voice on the inside.